Full of Grace
by Trupana
Summary: A dark night, spiked with stars. A woman, filled with grace. And a song that changed the course of his life...Aoshi-Megumi one shot


Disclaimer:  I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.  Otherwise, I would have Rurouni Kenshin volume 28, I would have 50 million more dollars than I have now, and I would have continued the series with an arc on Megumi and Aoshi's love story.  Oh, and I wouldn't have put Sayo in or drawn any of the episodes after 62 in the anime.  And Jinchuu would have been drawn, and…

Once again inspired by Shimizu Hitomi and her fic, "Beneath Azure Skies".  I think she's going to become my honorary muse.    Based loosely on Sarah McLachlan's "Full of Grace."  And when I say loosely, I mean _loosely.  _:)

Lots of waffiness, written in an experimental style, blah blah blah.  Hope you like it! ;)

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It is the same song that he had heard so very long ago.

Nothing has changed.  The voice still soars with her spirit.  The song still dives into the depths of his soul.  The beauty and grace of the singer has not diminished.

If anything, it is _more_.

_More free._

_More intense.___

_More beautiful.___

It was a rare night when Kanryuu was away.  But he had been, that fateful day.

_He had nothing to thank Kanryuu for.  Nothing, except for that one night._

He remembers it like he remembers his own reflection in the mirror.

_A dark night, spiked with stars._

_A garden, blooming with flowers.___

_A woman, filled with grace._

_And a song.___

A song.  He remembers that song well.  Above the fragrance, above the stars, above the moonlight, and even above her eyes and her beauty.  Above all, he remembers her song.

_A song_

_Of pain_

_Of death_

_Of misery_

_Of grace_

_Of redemption_

_Of Hope.___

It was not just a song.  It was his theme, his overture.  It was what he had looked for during those dark bloody days, during those dark restless nights.  It was the fragment of his soul for which he had searched.  It was his pain, it was his cure.

It was _her _soul.

_It was a song that he would have carried to his death.  _

_So that only he would hear it.      _

_So that only he would feel such grace._

_So that only he would see such light._

_So that only he would have her.  _

That was the day an empty man found his soul and his heart.

_It is easy for one to lose his heart._

_It is easier still to lose his soul._

_It is rare for such a one to find his heart._

_It is rarer still for one to find his soul._

_But to find both, together, in one night, is heavenly grace._

So he had fallen in love with her, with her song and her soul.  So the once-heartless man had loved from a distance; the once-soulless man had been filled with her song.  From a distance he had loved and learned; from up close he had given her the only thing that he could:  his dagger.

_With this dagger_

_he__ gave up his dark past._

_With this dagger_

_he__ gave her a chance for freedom._

But men like him do not easily accept such miracles.  And the past and past habits are not so easily forgotten.  So he had turned from her—surely redemption could not be so easy—and as his men fell, so did his soul.  And he had forgotten about the song.

_He forgot his heart._

_He forgot his soul._

_He tried to forget about her…_

Each act had torn him apart.  Each betrayal had thrown him deeper into darkness.  He could not feel the ground.  Okina, Misao, Oniwabanshu, Soujirou, Shishio, Kenshin…meaningless words thrown around him like leaves in a storm.

_In sleep he could not rest._

_In consciousness he could not live._

_Only in darkness could he feel at all._

He had seen _her _once, but the fog around him clouded his eyes and he could not recognize her.  Her beauty had taunted him, her eyes had frightened him; shadows and reminders of something he wanted to have but could not remember.  And so he had threatened to kill her.__

And when he lay down that night, he had dreamed for the first time.

_He dreamed_

_Of a garden_

_a__ fragrance_

_a__ fog_

_that__ hid his heart_

_and__ a cruelly laughing wind_

_that__ drowned out _

_the__ cry of his soul._

They say that Himura's words had brought back his reason, that Himura's sword had brought back his soul.  But it was not true.  For his reason and soul would not have returned if his words had not echoed _her_ words, if his sword had not sung out _her _song as it swung through the air.  

And as the sword delivered the final blow, the pain had brought back his memory, his reason, and his conscience.

_It had whispered to him_

_Her words, her prayer._

_And at last he could see,_

_At last he could rest._

So at the end, he had paid his debt to Himura.  At the end, he brought him back to those who loved him.  

She had been there.

He had seen her, and knew her, and remembered her.  He had seen everything.  

He had seen how her eyes ran so quickly to Himura.  He had seen how her hands shook as they ran over Himura's fevered skin.  And through the thin screen walls, he had heard her voice lift softly in song everyday as she tended his wounds.

_He did not know why_

_His heart hurt so_

_So he hid it_

_But his soul could not rest_

_When his heart was denied.___

He did not request anything of anyone.  He did not request anything of her.  Though she looked at him only through doctor eyes and did not speak, he had not cringed.  For him, this was what he deserved.  This was his punishment.  

He bore it without complaint.  

Only once did he break.  The pain in his chest and in his mind had overwhelmed him, and against his will, he had heard his voice begging her to sing, to sing _her_ song.  Her doctor's mask had fallen, and she looked at him with eyes too searching, too confused.

She had sung.

_She sang_

_With a heart perturbed_

_Of confusion_  __

_Of darkness_

_Of fear_

_But still she sang_

_As she had in the garden_

_Of light_

_Of redemption_

_Of grace_

_And of Hope._

He had not broken again.  But he could not find pleasure in picking up his life where he had left off; not in folding paper cranes for Misao, not in overseeing the Aoiya, not in interrupting Okina's attempts to letch on women.  His bloody past and his betrayal had changed him, and he could not resume his former life again.

He buried himself in meditation.

_For his soul was still restless_

_his__ heart was not satisfied._

_His peace was just out of his reach_

_But he did not know how to touch it._

He remembers those days.  They were not painful, nor were they joyous.  They had simply been _days_.  When he could no longer quench his restlessness with tea and meditation, he had stood up.  He had filled his hours with Aoiyan business, with managing Misao and Okina.  He had filled his days with visits to Tokyo, with visits with Himura, with glimpses of her.  Jinchuu passed by, the breaking up of the Kenshin-gumi and the Oniwabanshu passed by, as did the hours, the minutes, and days.

He was no closer to finding the answer.

_And he had not understood_

_why__ he went to her first_

_why__ he conversed with her_

_why__ he left with her_

_and__ why he could feel his heart beat_

_whenever__ her deep eyes touched his._

He remembers when he finally understood.  He had been thirty-two; she had been twenty-eight.  The sakuras had been blooming.  She had come to visit Misao.  And that night, he had been meditating, and she had been in the garden.

_The night, filled with stars._

_The garden, full of fragrance.___

_She,__ graced with beauty._

_And a song.___

And once the melody floated to his ears, his eyes had snapped opened and so did his heart.  He remembered all; he remembered the song.  And it was the answer to his restless soul.

_She sang_

_A song_

_Of pain_

_Of loneliness_

_But also_

_Of a reason to live_

_Of grace_

_Of redemption_

_Of Hope.___

He realized that she was his song. 

_She melted his cold eyes. _

_She filled his empty heart._

_She calmed his soul. _

_She was his reason for living._

She too had finally understood.  And after years of pain, years of loneliness, years of uncertainty, and years of searching, they had finally found each other.  

They were married that spring.  

_And through the shower of sakura petals_

_And the smiles of their friends _

_He bound her to him_

_And he kissed her _

_And he smiled._

That night, in their bedroom, in their tangled sheets and in the circle of her arms, he felt life for the first time in years.  And against his chest, she smiled, and she sang to him.  Only for him.

_She sang_

_A song_

_Of wasted years_

_Of love_

_Of dawn_

_Of grace_

_Of redemption_

_Of Hope.___

He slept in peace for the first time that night.

_And he dreamed_

_Of a garden_

_Of her fragrance_

_Of her lips on his_

_Of her body against his_

_And of starlight that sang to his soul._

And he smiles as he remembers.  Because her arms are now around him every night, and her lips are on his.  Because she sings to him every night, and every night he dreams that dream.  Because she is his life, his song, and his soul.  Because after so long, he has finally found his happiness and his smile.  

He walks over to the room and peers inside.  He smiles.  

She is beautiful, full of grace.  She carries something in her arms.  And she is singing.

_She sings_

_A song_

_Of happiness_

_Of joy_

_Of love_

_Of grace_

_Of redemption_

_Of Hope.___

He enters the room.  Then his arms surround her as he presses his lips to her hair, feels her smile, and look at his son sleeping in her arms.  Two pairs of mahoghany eyes meet his, and he feels the sunlight upon his face.

And he sings.

_With all of your strength and all of your courage_

_You came and lifted me from that place…_

_You're full of grace_

_full__ of grace_

_my__ love_

**Owari******

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Waffy enough for ya?  I think it's a little too waffy, maybe bordering on the cheesy.  Yikes.  I can't believe I wrote that all in one sitting.  Phew.  I had an idea last night before I went to sleep, and I went and wrote it all out today.  I'm okay with it.  It could be better.  I'll probably do some major revision someday.  : /

I know the end might have been sort of strange.  I mean, Aoshi singing?  Can you imagine it?  But I think since singing and Megumi's song is so important in reaching Aoshi (in my fic), he would sing.  I imagine his singing voice to be a beautiful, rich tenor-bass, like Peter Cincotti's. 

By the way, go listen to Peter Cincotti.  He's like Frank Sinatra, except only nineteen.  *sigh* 

I partially wrote this because Cherie Dee was saying that she wanted to read some new A/Meg fics.  So I hope this was up to your standards!

I hope it wasn't too similar to Shimizu Hitomi's fic.  I didn't mean to copy or anything, I just really liked the style.  Not that I actually even succeeded in coming anywhere near her fic or style.  Feel free to flame me if it is.  Any and all comments are appreciated and welcome.  :)

The part that goes:

_And he had not understood_

_why__ he went to her first_

_why__ he conversed with her_

_why__ he left with her_

_and__ why he could feel his heart beat_

_whenever__ her deep eyes touched his._       

refers to Jinchuu.  If you haven't read the manga, I don't want to ruin it for you.  But when Aoshi first had suspicions about Kaoru's "death", he went to Megumi for information and advice.  His conversations with her are amazingly long (for Ice-man) and very casual, as though they know each other very well.  He goes to her alone.  Throughout Jinchuu, Megumi and Aoshi are drawn very close to each other (maybe Watsuki-san was trying to hint at something?)  Go to the Shrine of Ice and Fire for examples of such images.  He also times the end of his visit to Tokyo with Megumi's departure to Aizu.  So hopefully that helps.

Oh, and happy belated Valentine's Day!

Now back to working on my other fics.

'Til we meet again.

~Tru


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